Which US president was the least guilty?
Lincoln, because he was in a cent
What can be seen with the naked eye and if you put in the basket the basket gets lighter
Why did Mr Ohm marry Mrs Ohm?
He couldn’t resistor.
Where do beekeepers stay on vacation?
Air bee and bee.
What's the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?
The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
They're, there, their.
Why are foot injuries so serious?
... because they take so long to heel.
Why are mountains funny?
Because they're hill areas
Why does the Little Mermaid wear seashells?
Because B-shells are too small, and D-shells are too big.